To the birth families that didn't chose us...
Whew, this one is hard to write. It is a thought that has been on my mind for a while. We have now presented our profile 7 times. To 7 birth families. 11 babies(2 situations were twins). Our most recent no was this week. We knew about this sweet baby & her birth momma for two weeks. Baby girl was already born when we learned about her. I spent the week between presenting & birth momma reviewing profiles rearranging my March in my brain, getting additional staff cued up for events if I needed it, looking up Airbnb’s of where we could stay while we would wait to be able to come home, making lists of what we would need to get, pack & bring with us, dreaming, hoping wishing, and being so certain that she would be ours. Sunday of last week I asked God to prepare my heart either way because I couldn’t take the heartbreak of another no. While in Church one of my best friends, Shana, texted me and said I needed to get on Elevation Church’s app right away. She introduced me to Elevation & I LOVE their sermons. I typically listen every Monday when they come out on youtube. She told me a little bit about the sermon: Invisible prisons. I was like I don’t think I can listen. I think that is the sign I asked God for and I am not ready to listen. She really encouraged me to but I put it off all week. Friday we learned we were not chosen and birth mom went with another family. The pain, sadness, rejection, loss & grief of that no I can’t explain. We had taken 2.5 weeks off from viewing profiles in February. We have taken and IUI break because my body & heart need rest. I really thought this was the one. But God said “What if I didn’t meet your expectations because I want to exceed them?” I spent Friday in Lee’s arms in tears. Hurt & Sad. Saturday we got up and managed to get through the day. Actually we had a nice Saturday which was good to not just be sitting at home thinking. Today, I woke up before Church and went to the gym. I decided I needed to listen to the Sermon Shana sent me. I probably shouldn’t have listened while working out. I wept most of the time I was on the elliptical. They were the exact words I needed to hear last week but was too scared because I was being too selfish.
“I am, you are, going to have to decide do you interprut God through the lense of mine/your expectations, or do I/you set your expectations on the basis of who God is?” - Steven Furtick, Pastor of Elevation Church.
Hit me right in the gut. I cannot base my faith on my own expectations. I will fall, and be disappointed at every turn! I have to base my faith on who I know God to be, what I know God to do, & the grace I know he offers.
“ God uses disappointment to develop your faith, the devil uses it to destroy it”. On Friday when we learned we weren’t going to be baby girl’s adoptive parents, I cried to Lee, to God--WHY?! Why all this heartache, disappointment & soul crushing? I am only one person and I can only take so much. I wanted to give up, I said “maybe we aren’t meant to be parents after all”, “maybe adoption isn’t for us”. I know that is the devil at work. We are meant to be parents, we are meant for adoption. So all of that to say, that brings me to the little letter I have written to those who haven’t chosen us.
To the birth families who haven’t chosen us,
I can’t imagine the agnony, & pain you must have gone through deciding who would be the parents to your child. You are experiencing a grief and pain that is unimaginable. We know that you had wonderful people to choose from. While we are sad for us, it is wonderful for those families who have been in the wait as well, for your child to have such wonderful people loving them, & caring for them already like you are. I think about you often. Are you ok? How are you coping? Have you been to post-placement counseling? I think about the babies that have now been born, will be born soon, or that are now already here. How are they doing? Are they healthy? How was labor for baby & momma? How are their adoptive parents doing? I pray and think of you all often. Sometimes I want to be mad, angry, that we haven’t been chosen yet. Why aren’t we good enough? What is wrong with our profile? With us? Are we unworthy in someway? I know none of it is that. These just were not the babies meant to be ours. Those babies were meant for others. Others to love, develop relationships with, care for. The incredibly selfless act by placing your child for adoption is one to be commended. My prayer for you is that you have support around you, loving you, helping you physically, mentally & emotionally recover. I hope you feel those prayers. To the birth families that didn’t chose us--I think about you often, I pray for you often. Thank you for even considering us.
Our prayer is we are connected to our child & their birth family soon. It has been a hard week for us friends. Thank you for wrapping us in prayer. That we may have comfort in this wait, that we may listen to our hearts & minds and know God will exceed any expectation we ever had.
Xoxo
A
