Adoption
Well the title might say it all. We are adopting! We are so filled with so many emotions but first wanted to share how we have gotten here, where we are in the process, and what is to come.
The desire to be parents has been strong since the beginning of our marriage but we wanted to wait a few years as we were CHILDREN when we got married and figured we needed a few "us" years. About 7 years ago, we got pregnant for the first time. We were still so young but excited, nervous, happy, overwhelmed. I think all the normal things. Those feelings quickly changed to panic when a week later I started bleeding and was miscarrying. At 25, I had no idea this was 1. normal 2. likely to happen 3. how much it would wreck me. The pain of that loss is something I don't think I will ever get over. It changed me in ways I had no idea. It changed our marriage and relationship. Some for good, some for not so good. It took me a good two years to even be ready to consider actively trying again. Of course the day I wanted to have that convo with Lee, he beat me to it by telling me he got accepted into CRNA school. Literally the thing he had been working toward since he was 18 years old. Naturally, with him in school full time, and the weight of our family on my shoulders, trying to conceive a child wasn't the best life choice so we put it on hold. We got through school, we enjoy some time and travels after Lee graduated and 6 months after he graduated decided we would start trying again. I had changed doctors and LOVED my doctor. When I went to my yearly appointment in April 2017 we discussed where we were and she suggested Lee get tested, as the tests for women are a bit more intrusive so they start with the guy first. He checked out fine, which was great to hear, but then all you can think is what's wrong with me. July 2017 I get a letter my doctor is moving and I had been assigned to someone else in the practice. I was nervous about that but thought ok that will be fine. August 2017 we were pregnant. We were all those same emotions again. Happy, excited, overwhelmed, nervous. I had just finished recruitment as the advisor for my sorority and was worried I did too much and was stressing my body. We made it 2.5 weeks with sheer happiness. I had some very slight spotting so they put me on a prosterone hormone as it was low on the tests and the spotting stopped. I felt great, well terrible, but no pain, no issues, no nothing. We went on our family beach trip, told my whole family. I had my 8 week appointment the Monday we got back from the beach, September 11,2017. I went to the appointment alone because Lee had to work and I thought things would be fine, it was fine. Well it wasn't. As they did the sonogram, I knew something was wrong. She left, the doctor(who I hadn't met) came in, and told me it looked to be ectopic but they weren't 100% and I wasn't in any pain(apparently this is very painful and if the tube bursts it can actually kill you). So she had another doc check it out, and they concluded I needed to stay overnight, they would look again in the morning and if they thought I was as far long as I was, and it was ectopic then I would have to have my tube removed. They are telling me all of this, the first time I had met them, while alone. I texted my best friend Rachel, told her what was happening, and she left work to come be with me. My doctor is in Birmingham, and we live and Lee works in Tuscaloosa. I texted Lee, and he left work immediately. Basically, we laid in the hospital bed together and just cried, and ate and watched TV. I had an angel of a nurse who literally God sent to me that day. She loved on me like I was her own daughter. So the next day, my mom flew to Birmingham & I had the surgery. The fall of 2017 is a blur of stress, anxiety, self medicating, and hot mess express. I wasn't dealing with my emotions or grief. We had to wait until my cycle started again, and then wait three months from that to begin trying again but I just didn't even know if I could ever start actively trying to get pregnant again. We're 0/2 here. It isn't going in our favor. I started seeing a therapist in January 2018 and that is probably the best gift I could have ever given myself. I am certain I'd still be laying on my bathroom floor having a panic attack if it wasn't for my therapist and the gift she has been to me.
So Lee and I have always talked about adoption. We thought we would have biological kids first but God has other plans. In June, I had seen, or heard something about adoption for like 2 weeks straight. A story on adoption, adoption would come up on a podcast I was listening to, a book I was reading or something on Facebook. It was WEIRD. Then I was listening to a podcast and this girl said "I am hard headed and have a hard time seeing God's signals or answers(uh hello familiar). When I see or hear the SAME thing 3 or more times I know that's God being like HELLO WOMAN HERE IS YOUR ANSWER". I was like OHHHHHHHHH that's what's happening! I am praying for a child DUH ASHLEY. So when Lee got home that night, I told him " I think God is telling me our answer is adoption and we need to start the process" and because he is an angel from heaven, he said " Sounds great, now what?". I had no idea so I hit the google. BAD MOVE. Everything I found was confusing, weird, strange, contradictory even on the same websites(dear adoption agencies in Alabama get your websites together). So a friend who I knew had adopted fairly recently popped into my head and I messaged her on Facebook. Within minutes, she had given me the lowdown on everything and how to start, what to do, where to go, etc. She suggested I reach out to Christian Adoption Consultants based in Georgia. They work with agencies all over the country, specifically in states where the birthmother has to terminate her rights within 72 hrs of birth. This broadens the pool of birthmother situations we have to look at by using this approach. Next, I reached out to them, learned what they did, decided this was a fit for us. Next steps were gathering photos for our family profile book, and beginning the home study process. We had our social worker(who we found by recommendation) come to our home, interview us, look at our home, we completed a long questionnaire & had to gather many documents for her. She then turns that into an official report and as of September 14, 2018 we are home study approved! Basically that means, we are legally allowed to adopt.
Next steps:
Our next steps are now we wait. We wait for a birthmother situation to be sent to our consultant that meets our preferences, and we decide if we present our profile to her. And then we wait to be selected. This could take a couple weeks, months, maybe a year or longer. Working with the consultant group that we are most match at 6 months of being approved but could take up to 18 months. There are a lot of unknowns, what ifs, and maybes right now.
We are doing small things to prepare because it helps make it feel real but I also am very aware of protecting ourselves by having too much done, or stuff as to look at it is hard. Being "in the wait" isn't easy, but it will be worth it. We also have a lot more financially to do but we are both working hard at that!
How to support our adoption:
1. Pray for us while in the wait. We have been in the wait what feels like 1,000 years for God to answer our prayer to be parents.
2. Pray for the birth mother of our child as she is facing what we can only imagine is the hardest decision of her life.
3. Pray for our child--that they are healthy, and will know how much all these people love him/her. 4. Shop Ashley's beautycounter website. All of her commission is going to our adoption fund, and eventual travel & stay expenses.
4. Give here to our fundraising campaign. The money will go directly towards the fees involved with our adoption plus future travel expenses.
5. Lastly, ask us questions. Ask us how its going, how we are feeling, where we are. It helps SO much to talk about it you have no idea!
