Adoption Education Resources
I shared this on instagram a few weeks ago but I wanted to share here too. So the “wait” of adoption has been 1000x harder than I ever imagined, or knew it would be. I was ill prepared for this portion of the show. The beauty of this time has been how much I have learned. My ideas and notions of adoption have changed so much since we started this journey. The type of adoption I thought I wanted before, is way different than the one I look forward to. Before I was terrified of a relationship with a Birth Family & my own naive feelings around that. Really those were feelings of my own insecurities, & fears. Now we are hopeful for an open adoption with our birth family to allow our child the opportunity to know & love his or her birth family, & build a relationship together. We feel more open to different types of scenarios, where when we started we were more closed off. As any parent to be is preparing for their little one, our preparation includes educating ourselves on transracial adoption, attachment, trauma, etiquette, what to do/what not to do, coercion, and more. I have learned & continue to learn so much the importance of language used for adoptees, being willing & able to step into the empty space for my child, provide the best resources & education possible for ourselves and our child. We want to share this with all of you because as the community that will love, help us raise & support our babe we want you to be educated too! Truly, our home study process did not prepare us in the ways I thought. Our consultant agency (who is amazing), provided a very extensive preparation packet which outlined the whole adoption process & provided a lot of great resources which I will mention below. But the number of things I have learned over the last 7 months that I NEVER thought about or no one has mentioned at all is astounding. We are recognizing that we will have to parent this child differently because they are dealing with circumstances, trauma and grief (yes even infant adoptees have grief & trauma) that a biological child would not have. We will have to be aware of that. There will be triggering situations(hello family school projects), specific dates—birthdays, Mother’s Day, and much more I haven’t even thought of that we are just going to have to be aware of & love our child through, hear them, see them & let them know any & all feelings around their adoption are valid and ok.
I wanted to share some of my favorite resources right now so our friends & family can follow these accounts, listen to podcasts, read articles & educate themselves. When incorrect language is used, or assumptions are made, I am trying to as kindly as possible correct others so they may know as well. I have used alot of incorrect language and am learning too.
Some terms you will see:
Triad-this is shown as a triangle uniting birth mother/family-adoptee-adoptive parents. You will hear this discussed a lot in terms of the relationships involved in adoption.
Birth family/mom/father- This would be the child’s biological parents. Appropriate to use after parental rights have been terminated.
Hopeful Adoptive Parent- parents that are waiting to adopt i.e. Lee & I!
Adoptive Parent- a parent that has adopted a child
Adoptee- the child that has been adopted
Agency- an adoption agency works with expectant mothers & adoptive families to match them in the event expectant mom is not able to parent.
Consultant- an adoption consultant agency generally works with multiple agencies in hopes that the hopeful adoptive family matches faster than if they were working with one agency. Our consultant has been our friend, therapist, resource, educator, & cheerleader. I couldn’t imagine doing this without her!
Social worker- a social worker will have to complete a home study for the hopeful adoptive family to legally be eligible to adopt
Home study- a home study is part of the adoption process. The home study assess your personal & professional life to determine if you are fit to adopt. It was WAY less scary than I anticipated. Our social worker has also been amazing to work with & we are so grateful for her.
Transracial adoption- Transracial adoption means that the child & adoptive parents are not of the same race
Adopt Well: Adopt well was started by an Adoptive Momma, Macie, & her desire to create a community around adoption to do better by birth families & adoptees. I always learning something from her blogs, videos, and Instagram stories. This is one of my favorite education resources & a great account to follow as she shares from all sides of the adoption triad(the triad is considered birth family/mother, child, hopeful adoptive parent—you will see this discussed ALOT in adoption education).
Kindredand.co: Hannah is an adoptive momma who through her own adoption journey recongized a gap in the adoption process & community. Well there wasn’t any really. Really any that represented all sides of the triad. She has a great profile book design company that is really focused on the expectant family & designing a book that reflects the hopeful adoptive family. Hannah is always raw, real, honest & beyond giving. She is one of my biggest inspirations & a beloved adoption resource.
Arrow and root: Arrow & root is another great company creating modern profile books, equipping hopeful adoptive parents with ethical profile books(there can be a lot of coercive language in profile books that we don’t even realize!) and a great community to go along with it. I love the mini podcast episodes she has been doing on instastories. Another reason I love Mallory’s prospective is she is an adoptee herself—her about me on her website also refers to chick-fil-a in the first sentence so what’s not to love?!
Quiverfull adoptions: These gals are a force to be reckoned with. These 2 adoptive mommas started an adoption consultant agency after their own adoption experiences & have now turned that consultant group, into a full blown not for profit agency. Their podcast is truly wonderful. All the ladies I mentioned above have been on episodes! I always leave their podcast encouraged, laughing, crying, a smarter hopeful adoptive momma & inspired.
It’s incredible to see how these women are literally changing the scope of what adoption looks like for all sides of the triad as well as creating these amazing online & in person businesses. You know how I feel about a bad ass woman entrepreneur!
I also wanted to share these books: Through Adopted Eyes, The Connected Child & The adoptive parent toolbox. There are more I am interested in reading but to be honest my heart can only take so much at once so I try to be careful with how much information I am consuming. Some may call that being naive to what we may face but I am not. I am now well aware as we have done our research & homework & continue to do so. As someone who struggles with anxiety, reading a lot of negative or difficult things for extended periods of time isn’t what is always best for me so I have to be aware of my mental health in that sense. I am looking forward to this life long learning journey we will be on!
